Category Archives: 2015

I feel oddly comforted. In that I’m comforted and you’re odd…

I am a card carrying animal lover person.  However, I am not of the PETA variety.  I think calves are very cute.  I also think they look like they’ll be tasty when they grow up.  I will go out of my way not to hurt an animal, going so far as to near wreck trying to avoid squishing a squirrel.  *Confession:  I care more about hosing the squirrel off my tires than I do the well being of the squirrel.  Anyway, my point is, I don’t want to hurt an animal. But, (and you knew there was one) my neighbor is doing his absolute best to make me change my perspective on that.

My neighbor has a big heart, that probably smells like cat pee.  He runs a home for wayward felines on his porch.  On any given day you’ll see probably 3-10 kittehs around his house.

We had the following conversation the other day:

Me:  Dude, you’ve got another litter of kittens over there.

Him:  I know!  Did you know that they mated with their momma?  (he was genuinely surprised that cats practiced incest)

So, my landscaping is now a massive litter box.  My dogs think it is a buffet.  Every trip outside is a battle of strength and wills to keep them out of the shit box vending machine that my rose bush has turned into. It makes me angry.  I yell at my dogs.  My other neighbors probably think I’m a crazy bitch. That makes me mad at those f’ng cats!  It makes me want to electrify my mulch.  It makes me a cat hater. I don’t want to be a cat hater.