Category Archives: Cats

I feel oddly comforted. In that I’m comforted and you’re odd…

I am a card carrying animal lover person.  However, I am not of the PETA variety.  I think calves are very cute.  I also think they look like they’ll be tasty when they grow up.  I will go out of my way not to hurt an animal, going so far as to near wreck trying to avoid squishing a squirrel.  *Confession:  I care more about hosing the squirrel off my tires than I do the well being of the squirrel.  Anyway, my point is, I don’t want to hurt an animal. But, (and you knew there was one) my neighbor is doing his absolute best to make me change my perspective on that.

My neighbor has a big heart, that probably smells like cat pee.  He runs a home for wayward felines on his porch.  On any given day you’ll see probably 3-10 kittehs around his house.

We had the following conversation the other day:

Me:  Dude, you’ve got another litter of kittens over there.

Him:  I know!  Did you know that they mated with their momma?  (he was genuinely surprised that cats practiced incest)

So, my landscaping is now a massive litter box.  My dogs think it is a buffet.  Every trip outside is a battle of strength and wills to keep them out of the shit box vending machine that my rose bush has turned into. It makes me angry.  I yell at my dogs.  My other neighbors probably think I’m a crazy bitch. That makes me mad at those f’ng cats!  It makes me want to electrify my mulch.  It makes me a cat hater. I don’t want to be a cat hater.

Through the looking glass and out of the closet….

Small Door, Medium Dog
Small Door, Medium Dog

I recently relocated to Greeneville, Tennessee to live with my boyfriend.  He installed a cat door to bridge the garage and the house, since we put the cat food and litter box in the garage.  It took one of the cats (Fred) 3 days to dare to attempt the door, and that was only with someone holding it open for her. Piper, on the other hand, took almost a week to muster up the courage to poke his head through. As you can see, it took the cocker spaniel about 10 seconds to try to get through the door. Unfortunately for her, she does not fit through the door. Thus, the litter box cafe is now offically closed.

Cats like to barf on clean carpet and other astute observations

Yep, cats like to yak on your clean carpet. In fact, I have it on very good authority that they seek out clean carpet, clean comforters and/or new pieces of furniture on which to spew. Put a new comforter on the bed and a grand plot begins to hatch in your cat’s walnut sized brain to calculate the precise angle and trajectory with which to gain the maximum amount of gook.  They get bonus points if you don’t discover the offense until it is time to go to bed forcing you to spend the night in a chilly comforter-less bed with a slightly damp mattress (from the cleaning). If there are multiple cats in the house, it becomes even more challenging as they each have to perform a feat of strength to see who gets the privilege of tossing the first metaphorical cookie. If there is a canine in the home, the canine has the option of consuming product provided they leave enough of the liquid to soak through.

Sears sucks, out loud.

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