Category Archives: Astute Observations

Don’t Ping My Cheese with Your Bandwidth

In my recent job hunting adventures, I have discovered some correlations that job hunting has with Internet dating. I have, thus far, been successful in one of these two adventures. Now, if I can only score on the other one…

Ways that Job Hunting is like Internet Dating:

  • Resumes are like profiles. You put your best face out there and leave out the baggage.  You don’t lie, of course, but your version of the truth might be a little bit rosier than the whole truth.
  • You sift through pages and pages of offerings, but only actually read a few of them.
  • You filter your  search results, and it still gives you lots of crap that is not a good “fit”.
  • So, you put out lots of feelers but only have about a 20% hit rate.
  • You get emails from recruiters with potentials you didn’t apply for, but they are rarely what you are looking for.
  • Of those semi-successful hits you email a few times and then make it to the phone call stage.
  • After said phone call, they say they will call you again but rarely do.
  • You go on the ever stressful first date/job interview wondering if you are wearing the right thing, saying the right thing.
  • And just like in dating, if after the interview they don’t call you back — It really is personal.

And in the present economy, its like being a man in China.  There are 3 other folks via for t for every one job. (thanks to the child limits in China and the subsequent disdain for female children the ratio of men to women is approaching 3:1).

Do you know of other ways job hunting compares to dating?

I am not IN-sane. Indeed, I am so far OUT of sane that you appear a tiny blip on the distant coast of sanity.

A few little updates and some ramblings from me. First up, we are moving to the Baltimore area. It’s not an IF, its a WHEN. The when is whenever one of us lands a new job in the area. Many thanks to our friends who have been very kind in letting us crash at their place when we are in the Baltimore area.

Now for some ramblings, if you will indulge me.

I saw another banner for Vacation Bible School today. This one had a theme of “Crocodile Dock.” One presumes this a play on “Crocodile Rock” but as no self respecting Southern Baptist would condone rock & roll, let alone rock music produced by a gay man, that the theme must therefore be being surrounded by crocodiles.  So, again I am left to question the overall theme of this VBS and what they are trying to convey.  Is it the message that life is very dangerous and without Jesus you will be consumed in a fiery pit of reptiles? Or are they trying to convey the message that you must be careful and aware of your surroundings in life or you just might end up missing some fingers? Hardly the topics of merriment and rejoicing I remember from my VBS days of learning to say the Lord’s Prayer in USL and making hamburger shaped refrigerator magnets.  I remember themes of being champions for the cause and of going for the gold and other such positive themes, not that any of those experiences have left be being a devotee of the Jewish carpenter. When someone asks me if I know Jesus my standard reply is, “I am familiar with his work. However, I am not a member of the fan club.” Perhaps if we had played Survivor instead I would have gotten a better sense of how organized religion REALLY works and I wouldn’t have been so disillusioned in my more formative years.


How ironic — you eat vegetarian and you speak baloney.

Just a few life tips from me to you….

  • If your bald spot is bigger than a tea saucer, give up the dreads. Seriously man, who are you REALLY fooling?
  • When attempting to secretly emit expulsions of vaporus noxiticity at work, take out one ear bud to check for sound. Nothing blows your proverbial cover like a good old drum roll.
  • Go to Mid City Grill for the burgers and fries, not the ambiance. If you want ambiance, go to Olive Garden.
  • Yes, the cat DOES have to lay on that piece of paper. If it is that important, get it out of the floor.
  • Hug your dog at least once every day, more if you get the chance.

If fish don’t like bananas, how long does it take a drunk monkey to pick the seeds out of a pickle?

Recently, it seems I am being assaulted with references to age. Perhaps it was always there and I am noticing it now because my age is becoming more evident or perhaps more prevalent in my life. I could lament the status of the aged in the US and compare it to the status of the aged in Asia and talk of wisdom and patience and blah blah blah.  Doesn’t really matter though, what old folks are treated like in Asia I live in the US of A.  I think I’ll trade being old as a negative for not being tossed in a dumpster when I was born without a penis.  

Earlier this year, I purchased some eye cream that claimed to reduce the signs of aging. My eyes are where I show my age the most (besides the gray hair, which I cover).  If the results were proportionate to the cost of the product, I should have the eyes of a fetus by now. Since, none of my friends or acquaintances have mistaken me for a 10 year old recently, I’ll assume that its effects cannot be judged by its cost.

I have decided (for now anyway) that there is not a damn thing wrong with lines around my eyes. Most of these lines came from a lot of smiling, so I will treasure them. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go dye my hair.

I’ll bring it like a Fed Ex truck, baby!

I do not understand some of the fashions for, what I like to call, substantial women.  Thus, it has inspired a small list of questions and/or observations as the case may be.

  • Do they think that plus size also means blind? hmmm? or is there a secret theory in the fashion industry that bigger gals need bigger prints? As if my ass didn’t look big enough, but you want to me wrap it in a giant paisley?!?
  • Empire waisted tops — OK, if you are bigger than a size 2, the whole empire waist is not a bit flattering. If I wear an empire waisted shirt, someone will ask when I am due and then there will be blood shed.
  • Horizontal stripes -hey, if I wanted to accentuate my wideness, I’d go on down to Omar’s Tent & Awning to buy my clothes.
  • Sequins and rhinestones – I admit I have been lured into buying a few tops because of their sparkle-ability, but there re a few things that should not sparkle.  Anything that comes in a size 28 SHOULD NOT SPARKLE unless you want planes landing on your ass.

Now, lets discuss the topic of department and/or store names for us gals.

  • Belk calls their plus size area “Today’s Woman”.  Were there not bigger gals 20 years ago? Funny, I remember seeing some pretty big asses on the old ladies in church when I was a kid. I know that the in the last 100 years the paradigm has shifted in this area. 100 years ago the rich were pale and fat, the poor were tan and skinny. Now, it is the opposite, but this name still bothers me.
  • Added Dimensions – ok, why didn’t you just call your store Big Asses?
  • Dress Barn Woman – I am totally opposed to shopping anywhere that has ‘BARN’ in the name unless its for garden supplies.

Are there any store names that need to be added to the list?