Monthly Archives: October 2008

If you wear that shirt in public, and I kid you not, you will be shamed like a child actor in a bed-wetting commercial.

Some little pearls of wisdom from me to you:

  • It is not always good to go outside the box (cats).
  • Listen to your favorite song at least 3 times a day.
  • Always be nice to the kid on the other end of the line when you call customer service. They can make you disapear, or they can set up the fax back system to fax your home phone continously starting at 3:00 AM (not that I’ve done that personally, of course). 
  • The same thing goes for the kid at the fast food window unless, of course, you enjoy the taste of spit.
  • When going to the bathroom while wearing an oversized jacket, take care not to wipe with it.
  • Pointing out that your professor is wrong in front of the class does not improve your grade.
  • Don’t let the black dog kiss you on the mouth.

Boys, its time to wake up and smell the music. We got ourselves a predicament.

In honor of the approaching holiday, a list of things that scare me:

  • Paula Dean – Eeek! Her hair is just bizarre in its perfection and her teeth are freaking HUGE! They look like she’s going to jump of the magazine cover and gnaw on you. I bet that in an alternate universe she has a gingerbread house and an oven big enough to fit a 10 year old in.
  • Gary Busey – I mean, really, who isn’t scared of him? And incidentally his teeth also contribute to the creep factor.
  • Sarah Palin – no explanation needed

Get back to me when someone calculates the speed of buttered salmon cakes.

Some observations:

The animals of the circus can be anthropomorphically catagorized as thus:

  • The camels are obviously the stoners. They lope along without a care in the world and are thrilled to be tossed a snack.
  • The mini ponies are the tweakers.  They have WAY too much engery.
  • The tigers are the Goth teenagers because they are just so over it all.
  • The elephants are just depressing. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but they are just depressing. Maybe its because I imagine that they all sound like Mr. Snuffleupagus. He always sounded so sad.

Thou puking scurvy-valiant minnow!

Some thoughts and/or observations, as the case may be:

  • I see these adds that say “lose 50 pounds for free!” and I have to ask, since when did it actually cost anything to lose weight? Are there satellites watching me on the scales that will send me a bill if lose a pound or two?
  • Every time I see a full garbage bag lying on the side of the road, I wonder if there is an arm or torso, or perhaps even a foot in there.
  • The same black dog that will jump in the shower with me will make a brave and valiant effort to climb out of the tub while she is getting a bath.
  • The previously mentioned dog has still not reached her destination on the ass-lick train and still mainly travels by night.
  • The dancing gorilla ad still has not convinced me to refinance my house.
  • The “find your crush”, “don’t click here if you are easily scared”, and the “find your future job” ads on facebook still have not convinced me to give them my cell phone number. Does anyone actually fall for that??
  • You really can’t go back.  Luckily, going forward is so much nicer ;)
  • Music doesn’t always have to mean anything. Not all lyrics are meaningful, but for heaven’s sake, if all you have to do is curse at me I’m going to click the SEEK button on the radio (or change the Sirius channel).

Zydrate comes in a little glass vial

 

I work for a very large bank. One of the products we used to offer was a credit card that could be used for various medical purposes—dentistry, cosmetic surgery, weight loss clinics, hair loss treatment, veterinary services, etc. I often wondered what recourse we could take for people who default on their debt.  You can’t very well repossess a set of knockers. Or can you? Now comes a new movie directed by the guy who directed SAW 4000 or something like that. I don’t put much stock in him, but this movie intrigues me. Repo! The Genetic Opera is a rock opera. The premise is that later in the 21st century you can buy organs.  But what if you miss a payment?  Well, the Repo Man comes and takes it back. The storyline alone is clever enough to get me to watch. And musicals are, of course, my favorite type of show. I got the soundtrack in the mail yesterday and I have to say that now I am even more interested in this picture. The music is great. The cast includes Sarah Brightman (Phantom of the Opera),  Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas), Anthony Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Bill Moseley (House of a Thousand Corpses) and Paris Hilton (who is mostly just famous for being stupid).

 Check out the website. You can watch the trailer and some cool video clips. Besides, any movie with Mr. Giles in it can’t be all bad.