Some little pearls of wisdom from me to you:
- It is not always good to go outside the box (cats).
- Listen to your favorite song at least 3 times a day.
- Always be nice to the kid on the other end of the line when you call customer service. They can make you disapear, or they can set up the fax back system to fax your home phone continously starting at 3:00 AM (not that I’ve done that personally, of course).
- The same thing goes for the kid at the fast food window unless, of course, you enjoy the taste of spit.
- When going to the bathroom while wearing an oversized jacket, take care not to wipe with it.
- Pointing out that your professor is wrong in front of the class does not improve your grade.
- Don’t let the black dog kiss you on the mouth.
In honor of the approaching holiday, a list of things that scare me:
- Paula Dean – Eeek! Her hair is just bizarre in its perfection and her teeth are freaking HUGE! They look like she’s going to jump of the magazine cover and gnaw on you. I bet that in an alternate universe she has a gingerbread house and an oven big enough to fit a 10 year old in.
- Gary Busey – I mean, really, who isn’t scared of him? And incidentally his teeth also contribute to the creep factor.
- Sarah Palin – no explanation needed
The animals of the circus can be anthropomorphically catagorized as thus:
- The camels are obviously the stoners. They lope along without a care in the world and are thrilled to be tossed a snack.
- The mini ponies are the tweakers. They have WAY too much engery.
- The tigers are the Goth teenagers because they are just so over it all.
- The elephants are just depressing. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but they are just depressing. Maybe its because I imagine that they all sound like Mr. Snuffleupagus. He always sounded so sad.
Some thoughts and/or observations, as the case may be:
- I see these adds that say “lose 50 pounds for free!” and I have to ask, since when did it actually cost anything to lose weight? Are there satellites watching me on the scales that will send me a bill if lose a pound or two?
- Every time I see a full garbage bag lying on the side of the road, I wonder if there is an arm or torso, or perhaps even a foot in there.
- The same black dog that will jump in the shower with me will make a brave and valiant effort to climb out of the tub while she is getting a bath.
- The previously mentioned dog has still not reached her destination on the ass-lick train and still mainly travels by night.
- The dancing gorilla ad still has not convinced me to refinance my house.
- The “find your crush”, “don’t click here if you are easily scared”, and the “find your future job” ads on facebook still have not convinced me to give them my cell phone number. Does anyone actually fall for that??
- You really can’t go back. Luckily, going forward is so much nicer
- Music doesn’t always have to mean anything. Not all lyrics are meaningful, but for heaven’s sake, if all you have to do is curse at me I’m going to click the SEEK button on the radio (or change the Sirius channel).