Monthly Archives: February 2009

Spoetry #3

New Orgasm Enhancer
By the false science of reasons, they will direct it is not
to be disputed, therefore, that the bulbs which were festooned
on each side down to disposed of it in the following fashion
in the to be talked to by you must be jesting, my lord..

More Spoetry

Some more SPAM Poetry that landed in my inbox.

How To IImpress Your Girlfriend

Gentle to those who were good and gentle to her, which endeavors
as much as possible to bring into prove what her own assertions
had failed to doher often went to fish, and always regretted
that.

I’ll bring it like a Fed Ex truck, baby!

I do not understand some of the fashions for, what I like to call, substantial women.  Thus, it has inspired a small list of questions and/or observations as the case may be.

  • Do they think that plus size also means blind? hmmm? or is there a secret theory in the fashion industry that bigger gals need bigger prints? As if my ass didn’t look big enough, but you want to me wrap it in a giant paisley?!?
  • Empire waisted tops — OK, if you are bigger than a size 2, the whole empire waist is not a bit flattering. If I wear an empire waisted shirt, someone will ask when I am due and then there will be blood shed.
  • Horizontal stripes -hey, if I wanted to accentuate my wideness, I’d go on down to Omar’s Tent & Awning to buy my clothes.
  • Sequins and rhinestones – I admit I have been lured into buying a few tops because of their sparkle-ability, but there re a few things that should not sparkle.  Anything that comes in a size 28 SHOULD NOT SPARKLE unless you want planes landing on your ass.

Now, lets discuss the topic of department and/or store names for us gals.

  • Belk calls their plus size area “Today’s Woman”.  Were there not bigger gals 20 years ago? Funny, I remember seeing some pretty big asses on the old ladies in church when I was a kid. I know that the in the last 100 years the paradigm has shifted in this area. 100 years ago the rich were pale and fat, the poor were tan and skinny. Now, it is the opposite, but this name still bothers me.
  • Added Dimensions – ok, why didn’t you just call your store Big Asses?
  • Dress Barn Woman – I am totally opposed to shopping anywhere that has ‘BARN’ in the name unless its for garden supplies.

Are there any store names that need to be added to the list?