A little update on the status of all things me. Because, I know that there are those of you out there just dying to know.
House remodel is WAY behind schedule and more than slightly over budget. However, the bathroom is near completion and my house will soon be livable again!!!!! I shall vow to only buy brand new houses in the future to avoid just such problems again. Conflict resolution baby, its one of specialties. Yes indeed, I see a conflict and I resolute it right there on the spot.
Still working on the skating. Slow going, but I am better than I was when I started. I got lapped by a 6 year old yesterday though. In my defense, she is a pretty fast 6 year old. I am afraid I may be forced to enjoy derby from the sidelines. But, enjoy it I will and perhaps I have other skills that could be useful to the team. We’ll see.
And my rant for the day is this… A wedge of lettuce does not a salad make. And why, little waiter man, do you get to charge more for the wedge of lettuce when you didn’t even have to chop it up? I chopped it up, all you did was hit it with a handful of diced tomatoes to make it pretty.
Something occurred to me today. Whenever we want to say that someone has courage or has done the right thing we use male terminology. We say they “manned up” or “had the balls” or “insert phallic reference here.” But, why do women (myself included) do that to each other? How come no one says “man, she has ovaries the size of Texas.” Or “she’s got a set of stainless steel ovaries.” I will henceforth challenge myself to use only female references when commenting on the prowess of other females. Or at derby, at the very least use a wheel reference instead of a reference to internal male anatomy. For example, “Man, that Rock Nasty has got some big brass wheels!”
Of all the irritating local commercials, my favorite hands down is the Spotless Frog. Here is a short list of reasons to love the Spotless Frog:
- His lips are out of sync with his singing
- He does not sound like old Kermit, he does not sound like new Kermit. He sounds like someone doing a REALLY bad impersonation of the bastard love child of new Kermit and Ernie.
- I have never, even once, heard the Spotless Frog say, “We’re Dealin’!”
- He wears dentures.
- He is an excellent speller.
- He IS NOT Little Steven Grindstaff!
And that is why I love the Spotless Frog.