They say you can drown in two inches of water. I am that two inches.

More in the category of “WTF?”

The “in loving memory of….” stickers on the back windows of cars.  Is this a southern thing?  A northeast Tennessee thing?  Every time I see that, it makes me thing they bought the car with the life insurance.  Well, unless the car was a total POS, then I wonder how I’d feel about a 1985 Buick Skylark in my loving memory.

Also, I don’t get the reasoning behind putting little memorials up on the roadside, presumably where someone actually expired.  I wonder how many accidents have been caused by people trying to read the teeny tiny print on them.  Hell, people at least make it big enough that I can see it in a drive by. I bet you some psychology grad student out there has done a paper on both of these phenomena.

Oh, and my biggest WTF moment recently goes out to the State of Virgina and their vaginal ultrasound law.  If the state of VA wants to see my vajayjay, they got to at least take me to the steak house first.

 

You have options, so technically, it is a multimatum.

2011 had some really awesome bits.  The reception weekend went off way better than I could have hoped. I had a fantastic time, I hope everyone else did too. It was great to have all the family together for the evening. I even convinced an old friend of the family to make the trip and hang out with my Dad. It was also great to see Dad get out and enjoy himself for once.

With that said, parts of 2011 have totally sucked sweaty donkey bits.  Essentially, I’ve had chronic hives (urticaria) since the first week of June. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but in August it decided to up the ante and add in some angiodema (deep tissue swelling). So, now some mornings I wake up looking like Harry Potter after Hermione hit in the face with that jinx. Some days it is one eye, or both. Some days it is my upper lip. Some days it is my lower lip. Some days it is only half my lip. I feel like the cartoon version of myself. I also have issues with my hands and feet. I get cabbage patch kid looking hands and feet from the swelling.

After having been tested for nearly everything under the sun, I finally got a referral to an allergist. Who informed me that chronic hives rarely caused by an allergy. Rarely do they determine the cause for them and they generally don’t last more than a year.  Well, at least I have that to look forward to, huh? He was able tell me that my hives are autoimmune.  Great, that probably means I have such fun things to look forward to as Rheumatoid Arthritis and/or Lupus.

So, now everyday is a parade of mega antihistamines (read dry mouth from hell) and steroids. At this point, I’d eat Spicey if he stood still long enough. It’s like the Bugs Bunny cartoon where they are lost at sea and start to see each other as roasted chickens.  On the low dose of steroids, I still get some hives but not the angiodema. I’m grateful for that.

Ok, rant over. As lives go, I’ve got a pretty damn great one and I have no business whining about some itchy puffy lips.

What does a girl do with an unwanted subscription to Bride magazine and some free time?

She makes paper beads of course!  Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs about re-purposing things. One of my favorites is Blue Velvet Chair (will open in new window). I saw a posting on there recently about all of the different things you can do to recycle magazines and paper. There are some amazing items that people have created on the site.

I liked the idea of paper beads since they are small and didn’t require me to purchase any new tools.  But, guess what. I did buy a new tool. I found an awesome little tool for rolling paper beads made by Paper Bead Girl.  You can see her Etsy site here. She also sells an adhesive for making paper beads. I was given a sample with my roller. I like it, but so far, I like the beads sealed with Diamond Glaze better. It gives them a really nice coating. You might think they were made of wood or plastic.

I’ve made some of them into bracelets for myself.

You know what else would be oddly comforting? A pillow shaped like a hammer.

Further musings from the I just don’t get it category…..

Little Ceasar’s Pizza

OK, first of all, is it a punishment to hold the $5 pizza sign?  I mean, is that like reserved for the one who is late that day or what? I understand you cannot give that job to a total slacker as it lacks direct supervision. But, it has to be a punishment, right?

Two of all, is there some market research behind the whole $5 pizza signage? I can promise you I’ve never been driving in evening traffic, saw the sign and thought “holy shit! $5 pizza!” I imagine, if you’re in the market for a $5 pizza you already know where to find Little Caesar’s.

Can someone enlighten me on this one?

Is Waffle Week anything like Pancake Tuesday?

In my quest to find some cool and different decorations for my reception, I came across the concept of “wedding wands.” The idea is, if you are at a venue where you can’t use bubbles or maybe you just don’t want soap involved, your guests can wave pretty ribbons to see you off. I like the idea a lot.  Since Jon and I are not being whisked off to a honeymoon after the reception and I’m sure my family would appreciate if I stayed around to help clean up; I don’t need them. But darn it I wanted them. So, my excuse to get my craft on is that the kids’ table could use them as a center piece. Then the kids can run around like little crazy people waiving these sticks around. It will be like Lord of the Flies, but with bells. After a few glasses of craft beer, I might waive one around myself!  I thought I would share my crafting experiences with my adoring fan base (all 3 of you).

 

Supplies!
Supplies

First, trip to Hobby Lobby (chose them over Michael’s because of the 40% off coupon this week). I got a bag of 12 inch dowels, some silver paint, some ribbon, some bells and a giant blue feather. I already had the block of floral foam.

 

 

 

 

 

Silver Sticks
Silver Sticks

Then, I gave the sticks 2 coats of silver paint.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ribbon
Ribbon

Cut the ribbon into 24 inch lengths.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feathers
Feathers!

I bought one of those ostrich feathers from the floral department. I don’t know what continent the teal blue ostrich hails from, but I’m glad this one gave up a feather for me. I just cut the shoots off the feather and glued about 10 strings to the top of each wand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finished Project
Aren't they pretty?

I glued the ribbon on with a hot glue gun, and then glued the bell on and viola!

If Bob Ross had more than 24 minutes to finish a painting, maybe he’d paint the Sistine Roof.

Some women collect men, I collect craft supplies.  Sometimes I even use them.   What better reason to buy craft supplies than a wedding reception!  It’s a perfect storm. I am one trip to Hobby Lobby away from an episode of Hoarders.  OK, it is not that bad just yet.  It was with that reason in mind that I unconsciously guided my car to the parking lot of the local Good Will store.   I’m glad I did.  SCORE!  See pictures of my treasures below…..

Pretty Little Pink Plates
Pretty Little Pink Plates

 

I scored these pretty little pink plates for $2 each. I plan to use them to make my cupcake stands. I will have 3 flavors of cupcake.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen! I said THREE. However, they will be minis, so you can sample all three without busting your buttons off.

 

 

 

 

Detail of Flowers
Detail of Flowers on border

 

 

A close up of the border. Pretty little pink flowers, don’t you think?

 

 

 

 

 

cheese
Cheese plate or Pompom holder?

 

This lovely little cheese plate that I scored for less than $4 will become a center piece. I plan on spray painting the base and filling it with brightly colored tissue paper pompoms.

 

 

 

 

 

Another pretty plate
Another pretty plate

 

 

I am not sure what the fate of this plate will be. It was just too pretty not to buy for the price. I might bust it for mosiac or use piece of it in some jewelry.

 

 

 

 

I also scored a quart sized mason jar for $1, which will also get spray painted and become a center piece. It wont be matchy, but I promise it will be fun.

 

 

Insert Clever Posting Title Here

Just a few updates on goings on in my life, because I know that my adoring fan base is dying to know.

In the educational front, I have been accepted to grad school and I am starting classes this Summer. I am working on a Masters of Professional Studies, with a focus on Strategic Leadership. This sounds like a whole lot of bull shit to me. A great deal of higher education is bull shit. However, those clever bastards made it that way on purpose! If you can figure out how to navigate it all, you’re half way there. Besides, if the process were too easy then everyone would have a college degree.

On the wedding front, I am just about finished with planning. I have hired some excellent caterers and outstanding entertainment. I am sure a fun time will be had by all.

In the home news category, we have added a new family member.

Spicy
Spicy McHaggis (AKA Snorts McGee)

His  hobbies include:

  • Snotting up my glasses
  • Sticking his head in my cleavage
  • Irritating the Cocker Spaniel

I am not my Trappist Brother’s Trapper Keeper’s Keeper

I work for a ginormous financial company. Everyday I am forced to clamp down on  my inner 12 year old when someone uses a suggestive phrase. So, I present my list of  my favorite sexually suggestive phrases that I see/hear at work everyday:

  • Penetration Rate
  • Service the Customer
  • Cum Report (someone decided to abbreviate cumulative)
  • Top’s Down
  • Bottom’s Up

and my personal favorite

  • Percentage of Customers who self service

I will continue to add to the list as I hear new phrases!