Tag Archives: Burning Questions

Did you take British in school?

In preparation for when I’m old and feeble, I’m buttering up the one person who will be young enough to drive me around–my niece.  For the past couple of months we’ve had one evening a month where I take her out for dinner and ice cream.  Sometimes we do a little shopping.  On the last visit, we went to TJ Maxx because I was in search of a new tea pot.  My current one is just not cutting it.  I was lucky to find the perfect tea pot and I start speaking in my best (horrid) British accent and my niece says, “Your British accent is so good! Did you take British in school?”

 

Yes, Olivia, I did take British in school.

That is sooo Butt Unknown

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling recently.  I went from never having been on a plane to being on 10 planes in a month.  One thing puzzles me.  Why do airplane seats recline in the first place?  What kind of douche canoe rams his seat back into the face of their neighbor to the rear without so much as a ‘how do you do’? Now, my flights were relatively short.  The longest was close to 3 hours.  So, I’m not talking about one of those  8 hour inter continental monsters.  I’m talking about the flights so short you don’t even get a blanket.  What makes you so important that I have the whole 3 hours to judge the quality of your anti dandruff shampoo? Next time, don’t be surprised if you have a little lingering back pain from a well place knee.  Or perhaps the lingering cold from a well placed sneeze.  Just saying.

They say you can drown in two inches of water. I am that two inches.

More in the category of “WTF?”

The “in loving memory of….” stickers on the back windows of cars.  Is this a southern thing?  A northeast Tennessee thing?  Every time I see that, it makes me thing they bought the car with the life insurance.  Well, unless the car was a total POS, then I wonder how I’d feel about a 1985 Buick Skylark in my loving memory.

Also, I don’t get the reasoning behind putting little memorials up on the roadside, presumably where someone actually expired.  I wonder how many accidents have been caused by people trying to read the teeny tiny print on them.  Hell, people at least make it big enough that I can see it in a drive by. I bet you some psychology grad student out there has done a paper on both of these phenomena.

Oh, and my biggest WTF moment recently goes out to the State of Virgina and their vaginal ultrasound law.  If the state of VA wants to see my vajayjay, they got to at least take me to the steak house first.

 

And hey, can you reccomend any good caterers? They have to have their Naked Mole Rat Civil Engineer Oath, of course.

More burning questions and astute observations from the brain of Beth…..

  • To the people who produce music–when you are making a CD of a live concert please pay attention to where you cut the tracks. Don’t put the intro to the song at the end of the track before it. Put it where it goes at the beginning of the track with that song.
  • To the couple three rows in front of me w/the car seat, baby carrier combo– I imagine that the conversation in your home went something like this. “Honey, the baby is fussy.” “Great! Let’s go to the movies!” WTF? Don’t feed me the argument that having children shouldn’t stop your life. I got news for you. YES IT SHOULD. If you can’t find a sitter, stay home.
  • What is up with the recent upswing in door-to-door sales? The vacuum cleaner girl came by and asked if she could come into my house and clean something for me. I politely declined and informed her that we don’t have any carpets. Her response, “can we come in anyway?” Uhmm, no.
  • I guess I’m getting old because suddenly mean is just mean. Mean is not at all funny.

How do my glasses get so dirty? They look like I’m the fry cook at a road side diner where the waitress chews gum and calls you “sugar.”