Tag Archives: Randomness

As I ponder, weak and weary

Another installment from the annals of the brain of Beth in the “why?” category.  Why are we embarrassed to talk about bodily functions?  I understand why you might not want to hear about them over a spaghetti dinner, but why are we embarrassed?  And why are we only embarrassed about certain functions and not others?  For example, no one has a problem saying they threw up, tossed the cookies, vomited, regurgitated or lost their lunch.  However, you’ll rarely hear someone say (frat boys and 10 year olds excluded, of course) that they shit themselves into next week. Why is it OK to talk about projectiles from one end of the digestive tract but not the other?  Neither of them is pleasant. Neither of them have the sweet smell of roses.  They both can be quite unpleasant and painful, yet only one of them is not talked about. Does it stem from the fact that one happens in the confines of the WC (hopefully) while the other you can do in public without any serious repercussions? Is that why when a girl throws up after an evening of festivities, a potential suitor might offer to hold her hair?  Bet he wouldn’t extend the same offer in the other scenario.

 

Things that make me go hmmmmmm.

 

What does a girl do with an unwanted subscription to Bride magazine and some free time?

She makes paper beads of course!  Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs about re-purposing things. One of my favorites is Blue Velvet Chair (will open in new window). I saw a posting on there recently about all of the different things you can do to recycle magazines and paper. There are some amazing items that people have created on the site.

I liked the idea of paper beads since they are small and didn’t require me to purchase any new tools.  But, guess what. I did buy a new tool. I found an awesome little tool for rolling paper beads made by Paper Bead Girl.  You can see her Etsy site here. She also sells an adhesive for making paper beads. I was given a sample with my roller. I like it, but so far, I like the beads sealed with Diamond Glaze better. It gives them a really nice coating. You might think they were made of wood or plastic.

I’ve made some of them into bracelets for myself.

What WOULD Jesus do?

**** Potentially offensive post warning******

I noticed the other day that Jesus  is a busy guy. He’s always doing something, particularly when someone is pissed or frustrated.

The Progressive Verb Jesus
Jesus F’ing Christ (my personal standby)
Jesus Roller-blading Christ

Jesus ‘ON’ Things
Jesus Christ on a bicycle
Christ on a Crutch
Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick

Jesus <noun> Christ (aka Mob Jesus)
Jesus Fruit Cake Christ

Jesus & Company (aka Jesus Joins a Band)
Jesus Christ & the Disciples
Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Jesus, the Early Years
Sweet Baby Jesus
Sweet Baby J
Sweet 8lb, 6oz saviour

What is your favorite blasphemous phrase?


I’m what you call a taste maker. No offense, but you’re really more of a smell maker.

This is a little off the beaten path for my blog, but I found something tasty that I’d like to share with you.

I am a chai fanatic. You put chai spice on anything and I’ll try it. There used to be an Indian restaurant here that made great chai. I frequently get it at Starbucks. In the colder months, I sometimes make it at home.  I can never seem to make it as good as they did at the Sitar.  So, i  rejoiced when I recently found an excellent recipe for chai concentrate.  My apologies for not being able to remember which blog I found it on. I surf a lot of food blogs these days.

I have enjoyed the recipe in black tea and in coffee. It is not as sweet as you expect, I usually add one tea spoon of sugar. I also added a bit extra of the spices. I wanted the spice to be really strong.

 

Chai Concentrate

MAKES ABOUT 1 1/2 CUPS (ENOUGH FOR 28 CUPS OF CHAI)

Unlike many brands of chai mix, this one includes the sweetener and the milk. All you add is a mug of hot tea.

Ingredients

  • 1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
  • 1 teaspoon granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon ground cardamom
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Instructions

Empty condensed milk into a jar or plastic container with tight-fitting lid. Stir in the sugar, cardamom, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg. Store in refrigerator.

To use: Brew a cup of strong black tea, such as Assam, then add two heaping teaspoons of concentrate or more to taste. Stir well until concentrate has fully melted.

To give: Pour into small jars with lids and tie with an attractive bow, or wrap the jar first. Attach a tag with instructions to keep the mix refrigerated and how to use it.

To keep: Store in refrigerator for up to 6 months.

 

Not now, thanks. I’m poemizing.

And now it is time for another installment of the insanely popular “weird observations and rants.”

In the category of I just don’t get it…… Scent rings. I was handed a new Avon book today and contained therein was a scent ring that I could purchase for a small price. Who the hell needs so much perfume that she must wear a ring with a congealed glob of perfume in it so that it can be skillfully reapplied at any time? Are you expecting a perfume emergency???  I know who THINKS they need it, well I don’t know this lady’s name. I only know that she seems to have always been in the bathroom at work right before me and leaves behind the scent of an perfume laden turd. Seriously, if you are wearing so much perfume it is excreted in your waste then you have, well, I don’t know what you have other than industrial sized drum of cheap au d’toillet.

In the category of I hate Spring time…… I hate Spring time for two reasons. 1. Allergies and 2. storms. I can gauge barometric pressure my head. All week, the rain has play hell with my head. Its like being stuck in a room with Helen Keller humming the ENTIRE Bee Gee’s catalog on an infinite loop. It is not quite painful, but it does induce waves of nausea and the desire to commit homicide.